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The family way

Relatives, common experiences bond Latinos, for better or worse

Question: How many Latinos does it take to make a holiday party?
Answer: Just the immediate family - about 35 to 50 people.

It's a given that Hispanics love to hang out together, for any reason. The more the merrier, we say.

For example, at the recent Hispanic Women's Conference, TV star Eva Longoria worried aloud that having only two spots for winning bidders to have lunch with her on the set of Desperate Housewives would be enough.

"You know how Latinos are," she told the crowd, who laughed knowingly. Longoria had already regaled the audience with stories of her own family, comprised of four sisters. She immediately decided to expand her offer of lunch to four, in case more of la familia wanted to come along.

Siblings often are the people who help create this sense of togetherness.

In Maria Martinez's family, daily lives seem inextricably tangled, from ordinary activities like shopping or going to church to life events like baby showers, birthdays and even visiting sick relatives in the hospital. The six sisters and seven brothers range in age from 38 to 57. The family's matriarch boasts 104 grandchildren.

Martinez is director of human resources at Care First Health Plan in Phoenix.

"The six of us girls are very tight," Martinez says. "We do a lot of things together: everything from going to the movies, to going out to eat, to shopping and, of course, the annual tamale-making thing. We all get together. Now our daughters are getting involved with that, and some of our nephews, too."

On a recent weekend, Martinez decided to cook a pot of menudo. It was a good thing the pot was a big one.

"My mom came over and my sister. The next thing you know, I had 30 people. Some brought pan dulce, or orange juice. That's just the way it happens in our family, we're pretty close like that."

Needless to say, there was no menudo left over.

One might conclude that Latinos love doing everything together, but according to one ASU sociologist, the idyllic picture of huge Latino families hanging out together every day could be just a romantic perception.

"Yes, Latinos do a lot of activities together, but it's not necessarily because they're Latinos," says Cecilia Menjívar, associate professor at the ASU School of Social and Family Dynamics. "(It is because) they have something in common, whether it is a recent immigrant past, or a common perception of their ethnicity."

Menjívar says this image has endured even when research - particularly research from a feminist angle - points out the divisions and tensions that occur within and among Latinos. At the larger group level, these conflicts may occur along gender and generational lines, or have to do with becoming acculturated in the U.S.

"But I'm talking about idealized images of Latino families at a more individual level," she says.

Menjívar points to the closing of ranks when immigrant groups experience racism and discrimination by the larger society.

"They come together to survive, and it's something that newcomers of different backgrounds have always done."

Other ethnic groups exhibit togetherness, she adds.

"This has a long tradition. Look at the Irish, Polish, Italian organizations and neighborhoods, churches, for instance. They all seemed to be inclined to do the simplest activities together as well. But it's not just some characteristic of the group itself; it is the result of their interactions (or lack thereof) in the broader society."

Martinez looks no farther than her cultural upbringing for the reason her siblings are always around.

"We took care of each other. The oldest ones took care of the little ones. Even though our mom was a stay-at-home mom, because there were so many of us, you know we had to help her. The last ones were twins!

"There is an instinct to take care of each other and that stays with us until we're older. We have that concern," Martinez says.

To avoid creating any conflicts, the Martinez family has taken to celebrating seasonal gatherings at times that do not fall right on the holiday, in case individual siblings need to have quality time with immediate family members. For example, a large get-together is scheduled the weekend before Thanksgiving.

But perhaps the feeling of being part of something big, an entity that transcends daily life, is the most powerful element to hanging out together. In the Martinez family, faith is the real tie that binds. In one instance, her nephew was the focus of the entire family.

"All the doctors were saying, 'He's not going to make it,'" she recalls. "We all were in that chapel day and night, and you know what? He pulled through it. He's just fine. And this was everybody, the cousins, the aunts and the uncles, our kids were there. We prayed and prayed and he pulled through."

She looks for her family's togetherness to remain strong.

"Absolutely," she declares. "We're a family, regardless of how extended we get."