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Piercing the veil

Writer faces bouts of depression with circle of loved ones – and hope.

The trouble with depression is that it’s hard to tell when it’s happening.

Like you, I depend on my ability to think clearly, especially when it comes to life’s so-called big decisions about finances, career and family.

But people who are seriously depressed – a condition also known as clinical depression – cannot think clearly. We may have trouble concentrating. Finding the motivation to perform simple tasks can be difficult, even paralyzing. Simply deciding what shirt to wear in the morning, much less whether to go to work, can seem overwhelming.

I’m not talking about the normal sort of sadness that springs from experiencing a loss, such as a relationship’s end or a death in the family. When my dad died unexpectedly of a heart attack, I was shocked and heartbroken. But I learned to accept his death; I went on with my life.

Depression, however, is an incapacitating and unusually prolonged psycho-physical condition. Left untreated, depressed people wall themselves off – emotionally and physically – from family, friends and society. Many consider suicide. Some succeed.

Depression, at its worst, is a chronic and potentially life-threatening condition.

There is hope. Better yet, there are effective treatments, and preventive measures that people can take.

FIRST STEPS

It’s been 10 years since my first bout with mental illness. Yes, depression is a mental illness. (Despite a lingering stigma toward mental illnesses, I’ve often told my wife that I wouldn’t be ashamed if I were diagnosed with diabetes or heart disease, so why be embarrassed about coping with depression?)

As with any problem, the first step to dealing with a problem is to understand that it exists. In 1996, I found myself isolated. Normally gregarious, I just wanted to be alone all of the time. I was afraid to answer the phone. At work, it was difficult to focus on the tasks at hand. My level of concentration deteriorated. I was always sad, and I drank to mask my sadness. Getting out of bed in the morning became nearly impossible. I lost all normal sense of time. Eventually, I lost my job. My marriage ended. And while I cannot recall literally wanting to kill myself, I do remember wishing that my life would just end. Living seemed pointless.

Living, of course, was not pointless. I had a teen-aged son to raise. I had family members across the country who cared for me. I was a successful journalist with a passion for the profession. I had dabbled in playwriting and dreamed of continuing that work. Despite my failed marriage, I had enjoyed being in a committed and loving relationship.

At wit’s end, I turned to my family doctor. Trapped in a mental haze, I practically stumbled into his office, hoping he could diagnose what I assumed must be a serious physical ailment.

"As far as I can tell, there’s nothing physically wrong with you," he said. "I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist."

"A psychiatrist?" I thought to myself. Fortunately, I trusted him. I accepted the referral.

In hindsight, my skepticism made sense. Culture and upbringing play a big role in how we view mental illness. My parents migrated from Mexico. While we never discussed it, my father’s attitude toward the mentally ill ranged from pity to disgust. My mother’s views on the subject were worse. To her, "mental illness" was a synonym for "insanity." She often spoke of her mother’s psychological problems – always unsympathetically – as if describing a rabid animal.

Given that grossly misinformed indoctrination into the world of mental illness, it’s a wonder that I agreed to see a psychiatrist. But I did. The decision saved my life.

ROAD TO RECOVERY

The psychiatrist concluded, correctly, that I was suffering from a chemical imbalance in my brain. Exhaustion, drug or alcohol abuse, prolonged stress or anxiety, and even the loss of a loved one can trigger depression. In my case, it was likely a combination of several factors.

To help me recover, my doctor prescribed Zoloft, one of several antidepressants available today. I also began to exercise. Soon, I began to recover – though it would be nearly six months before I could be weaned from the medication.

I distinctly recall feeling one day, soon after beginning my treatment, as if I had been awakened from a long slumber. I began to think clearly again, my willpower and motivation returned, as did my thirst for life. The haze had lifted.

Since then, I’ve remarried. I’ve completed a Master’s in creative writing. I now teach at a local university, and I’ve even experienced some regional success as a playwright.

Today, I am well. But I remain vigilant, since I know that it can resurface at anytime. During the past decade, I’ve faced the illness three more times. Each time, I’ve returned to the medications – though for shorter durations. And each time, I’d depended on people I love to help pull me through.

If I’ve learned anything over the years about depression, it’s that I’m not alone. Millions of Americans, including millions of American Latinos, face depression and other forms of mental illness every year.

If you believe you’re suffering from mental illness, get help.

You’re not alone.

James Garcia is a journalist, playwright and lecturer at Arizona State University. You may e-mail him at james.garcia@asu.edu.

Signs of depression:

• Persistent sadness, anxiety or feelings
of emptiness or worthlessness

• Feelings of guilt or helplessness

• Lack of interest in once enjoyable activities

• Isolation

• Lack of energy or motivation

• Trouble concentrating and/or making decisions

• Major changes in appetite(includes overeating
or not eating)

• Thoughts of suicide or death

Where to get help:
• In a crisis, a hospital emergency room or your personal medical physician may provide temporary relief. Medical practitioners may also provide referrals to mental-health services.

• Search your local telephone directory under "mental health," "health," "social services,"
"suicide prevention," "crisis intervention services," "hotlines," "hospitals" or "physicians"
for phone numbers and addresses of mental- health services.

• Many private companies and government agencies offer employee assistance programs that provide short- or long-term counseling and treatment services.

More information:
• Arizona Alliance for the Mentally Ill,
(602) 244-8166, (800) 626-5022,
www.namiaz.org

• National Institute of Mental Health,
www.nimh.nih.gov or 1-800-421-4211.

• National Foundation for Depressive Illness, Inc., (800) 239-1265, www.depression.org

National Mental Health Association,
www.nmha.org or 1-800-969-NMHA (6642).

National Depressive and Manic Depressive
Association, (800) 826-3632, www.ndmda.org

Sources: National Institute of Mental Health, National Mental Health Association, National Alliance for the Mentally Ill.